nce upon a time there
lived a vain CIO (Chief Information Officer, the chief executive
officer in charge of information processing) whose only worry in
life was to have the best homepage on the Internet. He changed
site almost every hour and loved to show it off to his employees.
Word of the CIO's superior page spread over his company and beyond. Two scoundrels who had heard of the CIO's vanity decided to take advantage of it. They introduced themselves at the front desk with a scheme in mind.
"We are two very good webmasters and after many years of research we have invented an extraordinary method to program code so efficiently it looks invisible. As a matter of fact it is invisible to anyone who is too stupid and incompetent to appreciate its quality."
The head secretary heard the scoundrel's strange story and sent for Vice President #304a in charge of post-it-note preparedness. The V.P. notified the Head V.P. #2 in charge of paper supplies, who ran to the V.P. of textual information, and he quickly typed an e-mail for the CIO's secretary and sent it off through the network to the secure firewall network for the CEO's office. The secretary told the CIO the news immediately. The executive's curiosity got the better of him and he decided to see the two scoundrels.
"Besides being invisible, your wealthiness, this homepage will be designed in colors and gradients created especially for you." The CIO gave the two men a bag of gold coins in exchange for their promise to begin working on the website immediately.
"Just tell us what you need to get started and we'll give it to you." The two scoundrels asked for a workstation, the newest versions of Internet Server Programs, Adobe Photoshop and then pretended to begin working. The CEO thought he had spent his money quite well; in addition to getting a new extraordinary homepage, he would discover which of his employees were ignorant and incompetent. A few days later, he called the old and wise V.P. #2, who was considered by everyone as a man with common sense.
"Go and see how the work is proceeding," the CIO told him, "and come back to let me know."
The V.P. was welcomed by the two scoundrels.
"We're almost finished, but we need a lot more images. Here, admire the colors, scroll down the frames, and try the Java applet! I think you'll love the animated GIFs and embedded MIDI" The old man bent over the workstation and tried to see the page that was not there. He did not hear a single plucky note as he craned his neck near the speakers. He felt cold sweat on his forehead as he saw not one drop of Java.
"I can't see anything," he thought. "If I see nothing, that means I'm stupid! Or, worse, incompetent!" If the V.P. admitted that he didn't see anything, he would be discharged from his office.
"What a marvelous homepage, he said then. "I'll certainly tell the CIO." The two scoundrels rubbed their hands gleefully. They had almost made it. More RAM and a larger hard drive were requested to finish the work.
Finally, the CIO received the announcement that the two webmasters had come to take all the digital photos needed to create his new homepage.
"Come in," the CIO ordered. Even as they bowed, the two scoundrels pretended to be holding a large printout of the site.
"Here it is, the result of our labor," the scoundrels said. "We have worked night and day but, at last, the most beautiful site in the world is ready for you. Look at the design and use the laptop we have brought to go to the other pages." Of course the CEO did not see anything and did not move to the next page because there was nothing on it either. He panicked and felt like fainting. But luckily his large CIO-ish chair was right behind him and he sat down. But when he realized that no one could know that he did not see the homepage, he felt better. Nobody could discover that he was stupid and incompetent. And the CIO didn't know that everybody else around him thought and did the very same thing.
The farce continued as the two scoundrels had foreseen it. Once they had taken the pictures, the two began cropping invisible images while programming an invisible links page.
"Your Highness, you'll have to delete your old page to put your new homepage online." The two scoundrels transferred the new page, which went very quickly, and then he started the Internet browser. The CIO was anxious but since none of his bystanders were, he felt relieved.
"Yes, this is a beautiful homepage...it looks very good," the CIO said trying to look comfortable. "You've done a fine job."
"Excuse me sir," the V.P. said, "we have a request for you. The employees have found out about this extraordinary homepage and they are eager to view it." The CIO was doubtful about showing a blank homepage to the people, but then he abandoned his fears. After all, no one would know about it except the ignorant and the incompetent.
"All right," he said. "I will change the mode of the index so others may view it." He called a press conference and called the Vice Presidents. An unending group of Vice Presidents entered the room in a large clump. They walked at the very front of the procession and closely scrutinized the employee's faces to see the reaction of the people. All the people had gathered in the main computer services office, pushing and shoving to get a better look. A roar of applause welcomed the CIO and Vice Presidents. Everyone wanted to know how stupid or incompetent his or her neighbor was but, as the CIO passed the monitor and the homepage was displayed, a strange murmur rose from the crowd.
Everyone said, loud enough for the others to hear: "Look at the company's new homepage. It's beautiful!"
"What a marvelous navigation bar!"
"And the resolution! The depth of those beautiful images! I have never seen anything like it in my life." They all tried to conceal their disappointment at not being able to see the page, and since nobody was willing to admit his own stupidity and incompetence, they all behaved as the two scoundrels had predicted.
An elderly janitor, however, who had no stake in what others thought of him, went up to the monitor.
"There's nothing there, it is blank," he said.
"Fool!" his supervisor reprimanded, running after him. "Don't talk nonsense!" He grabbed the janitor's mop and took him away. But the man's remark, which had been heard by the bystanders, was repeated over and over again until everyone cried:
"He is right! There's nothing there! It's true!"
The CIO realized that the people were right but could not admit to that. He thought it better to continue the presentation under the illusion that anyone who couldn't see his homepage was either stupid or incompetent. And he stared intently at the homepage, while at the computer terminal, a secretary carefully clicked on an imaginary link.